


I need more hours with you

by LouiseLouise



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Gen, Getting Together, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, instead of misinterpreting everything, those boys should really learn to listen when the other talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21864331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseLouise/pseuds/LouiseLouise
Summary: We’re going back to El Paso, me and Chris.Eddie and Christopher are moving away for good and out of Buck’s life. Eddie has good reasons apparently and Buck tried to listen while his friend was explaining everything that morning but he can't remember any of it.The giant hole in his heart is eating at the space in his mind.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 441





	I need more hours with you

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine, English is not my first language.  
> Title from Maroon 5.

_Back to El Paso_.

The words still resonate in Buck’s mind, uncomfortable like nails on a chalkboard, ripping his heart apart over and over, and the pain’s been keeping him awake for the past three hours. With the lack of sleep and the broken heart, tomorrow’s shift was gonna be hell.

_We’re going back to El Paso, me and Chris._

Eddie and Christopher are moving away for good and out of Buck’s life. Eddie has good reasons apparently and Buck tried to listen while his friend was explaining everything that morning but he can't remember any of it.

The giant hole in his heart is eating at the space in his mind.

He faked being happy for him, for them. At least he hopes he faked it well enough to look like the supportive best friend he’s supposed to be, though every fiber of his being was screaming in pain, anticipating the loss, with a pinch of betrayal. Eddie’s abandoning him.

“It’s a huge deal man,” Buck said, as neutral as he could.

_I thought we could be happy here, but the past years have been so much harder than I thought._

So I didn’t make you happy, Buck thought in that moment. I’m just not that important, of course I’m not, just a friend, friends are replaceable, everybody knows that. Eddie didn’t even mention that Buck was welcome to visit them, or how these days with facetime and everything, they could easily stay in touch. So Buck didn’t offer, he just shut up until Eddie left, after mentioning a going away party or something.

The rest of the day has been pretty ordinary, with not much to distract himself from the news, but Buck held it together, almost proud of himself for not falling apart that much. But that was until he arrived home and as soon as his door closed behind him he crumbled against it on the floor and let out the ugly crying he didn’t suspect he’d kept inside all day.

-

“Why not just ask for a transfer to another station in the city ?” Frank asks.

Eddie sighs. “There's no way I can ask that without everyone waiting for an explanation. And you know why I can't tell them. Tell _him_.”

“And El Paso is easier to explain?” Eddie could swear he heard Frank chuckle. Damn it Frank, what happened to therapy being a judgment free zone?.

"It's where I come from. My parents are there, my sister too,” Eddie almost whispers, not sure he even believes his own lie.

The truth is, El Paso is easier than telling your best friend you're in love with him to the point of not being able to relax until you're in the same room, all the while their mere presence in said room makes it hard for you to function properly. Frank has already helped Eddie put his feelings for Buck into words, then accept them fully. Now he seems to expect Eddie to share them with Buck like it’s the only healthy choice. If Frank was really good at his job he would know healthy was not Eddie’s prime criteria for decision making. Eww Frank.

-

“Where’s Buck?” Christopher asks his dad after all the guests have arrived for the going away party except one, his favorite one.

“I don’t know Buddy, I’m gonna call him okay?” Eddie says trying to keep his voice cheerful, phone already in hand as he’s been checking his messages for the past hour, in vain. 

“At least call and say goodbye to Chris, man, he’s-” Eddie pauses, heartbroken for his son. “You mean the world to him and he won’t understand if you don’t say goodbye. Please Buck, do that for him okay?” Eddie hangs up, focusing on his breathing, trying to avoid a meltdown in the middle of his own house and surrounded by all his friends and coworkers.

-

“What’s wrong?” Carla asks. She’s standing in the kitchen doorway, empty plates in hand.

Eddie shakes his head, not sure he wants to share, but Carla comes closer, puts down the plates and cups his head with her hand like she sometimes does Christopher when he feels sad. “Buck’s not coming,” Eddie blurts out, barely refraining a sob. “Christopher’s gonna be devastated.”

“Christopher, sure,” she says. “How about you?”

“I’m fine,” he shrugs, shoulders tensed.

She waits a minute or two before letting her hands fall down. “You know what they say though, if you can bring Buck to the party…”

“Bring the party to Buck,” Eddie replies mechanically, but the idea makes way into his mind, and it feels like his last chance. For Christopher. “Carla can you keep an eye on the guests while I go?”

“Of course honey,” Carla says smiling widely.

-

“I’m sorry buddy, I-” Buck pauses, looking for the right thing to say. How do you tell a 9 year old that you can’t wish him the best because that means wishing yourself the worst? They’re sitting on Buck’s couch while Eddie stands awkwardly on the side, giving Buck and Chris their own moment to say goodbye.

Buck thinks about the words his therapist told him. Truth sometimes is easier than lies, it saves you from adding another burden on top of the already existing ones your trying to cover in lies. “The truth is I’m very sad about you leaving, and I was scared I would cry in the middle of your party, and I really didn’t want that, you know?”

“It’s okay to cry, kid,” Christopher says lifting his hand to rest it on Buck’s cheek, the gesture a familiar and reassuring one to Buck who pulls him into a hug to hide his tears.

“Hey Chris,” Eddie asks, “why don’t you stay here and play with the legos while I go talk to Buck, is that okay?” Christopher nods and the two men retreat toward the kitchen.

-

Eddie wants to be mad at Buck for not being here when he and Chris needs him, for not keeping the promise he made to never do that again. It’d be easier to just be angry and ignore the sadness pouring out of Buck, and how that fear of crying he mentioned, well Eddie feels the same. He’s the one moving Chris away from Buck, he can’t blame anyone for this decision.

“I meant that,” Buck says. “I really couldn’t bear breaking down with everyone we know around us.”

“I thought you were okay with us moving?” Eddie asks.

Buck closes his eyes for a moment. “I want to, I swear Eddie I tried to just be happy for you but it’s-” he shakes his head. “I need you here and I know it’s selfish but it’s the truth.” 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says leaning back on the kitchen counter across from Buck, “I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone. You seemed happy. For us and with your life,” he specifies, “I didn’t think you’d miss us.” That’s a lie he’ll never have to confess to Frank, which is a relief. Eddie’s only hope was for Buck to realize he would miss Eddie when he left, he craved for Buck to come running after his car on the big move day like the most cliché romcom ever. But Buck didn’t even show up at the party so Eddie’s little fantasy crumbled to the ground, leaving only resentment.

Buck snorts. “Of course I’m gonna miss you Eddie how could I not? The time we spend together, with work or Christopher is the best part of my days, and now it’s just gonna be me, alone here, while you still have Chris. Shit it sounds so selfish, I know that,” Buck hides his face in his hands, making a poor job at hiding the tears on his cheeks.

Seeing how much Buck is gonna miss him doesn't actually bring any joy to Eddie. He’s breaking his best friend’s heart just because he can’t keep his feelings under control, and accept they’ll never be anything else but friends. He’s a shitty friend, is what he is. “I’m sorry,” Eddie simply says, unable to find more to share.

“You know I thought we had something, you and me,” Buck says, and he’s not talking about their friendship anymore but who cares, Eddie’s leaving anyway so it doesn’t matter if he lets his feelings pour out of his heart, finally. “You’re leaving now so might as well say it, right? That somehow I thought maybe we could be- I don’t know Eddie, be more. It was a long shot, I realize that.” He pauses. “I guess I’m just tired of people not choosing me.” He closes his eyes, head tilted down, waiting for Eddie to laugh at his face, or just walk out the door.

“Not choosing you? Eddie says stepping closer to Buck, one feet away from his face. He tries to focus on the words he heard coming out of Buck’s mouth, to make sure he heard them well.

_More. Be more. You and me. I thought we had something_. All this time and Eddie is beginning to think that maybe the two of them were exactly on the same page, and both equally unaware of the other’s feelings.

“Why do you think I’m leaving Buck?” he finally asks, with the softest voice possible, hoping they both calm down from all the anxiety fueling them.

“Because your life here is not good enough, you said so yourself remember?”

“That’s not what I said.”

Buck raises an eyebrow, trying to recall Eddie’s words as he explained the sudden move, but come to think about it, he wasn’t properly listening so.

“I said I needed to move away from what was causing me pain. I said-” Eddie takes a deep breathe, “there were things I wanted here that I couldn’t get, and it was killing me.”

“How is it different from not being good enough?”

Eddie smiles. “Because the thing I wanted was you, _is_ you, and I couldn’t stand being with you every single day without being _with you_ ,” Eddie says with a sigh, waiting for his friend’s reaction. But Buck’s face is unreadable, for once and Eddie’s starting to wonder if he may have gotten Buck’s words wrong. 

Buck frowns. “So you’re leaving because you wanna be with me?” he finally says. 

Eddie laughs. Put like that, it’s the least logical choice ever. “Because up until now I didn’t think I could, yes,” Eddie says.

“You _want_ me?” Buck repeats, shaking his head like he still can’t believe the words so Eddie takes the few steps between them, pausing to breathe when their bodies meet, his hand finding Buck’s fingers and holding them tight. He wants more, like Buck said, he wants everything and more as long as Evan Buckley is in his life.

Buck puts his free hand on Eddie’s neck, fingers slowly exploring his skin before leaning to press his lips against Eddie’s, making him moan, until he remembers Chris is playing ten feet away from where they stand. They take a step back, still holding hands, smiling.

“Oh shit,” Eddie’s smile fades suddenly.

“What? What, Eddie?” Buck asks, concerned all over his face.

“”We’re supposed to be moving in three days.”

Oh shit indeed.

-

All the guests are still here when Eddie and Chris get back with Buck, Carla having kept the huge goodbye cake in the kitchen, asking everyone to trust that Eddie wouldn’t be long. She smiles as Buck comes in carrying Christopher and kisses Eddie’s cheek. “Good job,” she says and Eddie wonders how much her intuitive brain knows about what’s really going on.

“So, that’s a nice cake, really,” Eddie says, everyone gathered around the dinner table, the words “Good Luck Without Us” on it.

“But, uh, guys…” Buck starts, all eyes on them.

-

“Unbelievable,” Bobby sighs, throwing his arms in the air, eyes going back and forth between Eddie and Buck. “You two are taking everyone else’s chores for the next two weeks, to make up for the time I’m gonna have to spend explaining to HR why my firefighter suddenly wants to stay after I fought tooth and nail to get him transferred under the usual wait time.”

“Yeah well,” Buck says, “this is what you get for making us go to therapy so we get healthier, so if someone has to do the chores, it should be you. And Frank.” That earns him a laughter from everyone in the room, lightning up the general mood.

-

The house is quiet now that everyone’s gone.

“Are we really staying?” Chris asks his dad as he and Buck are tucking him into bed.

“Yes buddy, I’m sorry it must be confusing for you,” Eddie says, caressing his son’s hair.

Chris frowns a bit. “Does that mean I can see Buck like before?”

Eddie smiles. “Yes bud, every day, like before. If Buck’s okay of course,” he laughs, turning towards Buck who’s clearly biting his lips trying not to cry.

“Every day is perfect,” Buck finally says. Every hour of every day is how much Buck wants to spend time with Eddie and Chris, and luckily for him, that’s exactly what Eddie wants too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!  
> Like always, kudos and comments are the little treasures that keeps me going ♥


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